too much going on

It's been a very full last couple of weeks. And since I've been remiss in keeping this updated as I go I'm finding that I feel a little bit like I'm catching up with an old friend who I haven't talked to in a while. Where to start, you know? Well, maybe I'll just go chronologically. There are three main incidences, so I'll just start with the first.

1. A couple of weeks ago I found out (during a hellishly long week at work) that my boss's boss, my ultimate supervisor, who is very involved with the work that I and my co-workers are doing, was asked by our new commissioner to resign. I don't know exactly how this will impact my work; I don't even know how secure my job is at this point. But it's not just a horrible loss (because it is that, at the very least) to me and the Department. She's been there for just under 20 years and has been a big protector of my small group of people trying to do preventative work, and I don't know what will happen to us now that she's leaving. It's entirely possible that my position will be changed to be something completely different.

And I love this job. You all know that I moved out here to this area from California to Massachusetts for this exact job. I've been fluctuating between shock, sadness, fear and anxiety since I heard the news, and I don't exactly know how it's all going to play out. The Commissioner has given no reason for asking her to leave, fanning a certain amount of uncertainty and concern among the ranks. I think I'll have a little bit of a clue by the end of the month; we're putting out an RFR and he'll have to sign off on it. But until then I'll be in a small state of crisis, wondering if I have to find another job and thinking perhaps I won't find another one that I love quite so much.

2. At the same time I've just started seeing someone. As I've said several times before, I absolutely hate dating. But I met this guy at a party, and I've gone out with him once, talked on the phone with him a couple of times and in general feel that there is a lot of potential here. I'm trying to keep perspective and take things as they come (this is mostly a self-protective technique since I'll flip out if I think about this too much), telling people that we'll see how things go.

But I have to say that it's been a little difficult. Some friends (who shall remain nameless) are secretly planning the wedding, already trying to figure out how our names best fit together and have determined that there will be children in the future. And of course the guy himself has been nothing but good, being very complimentary and healthily enthusiastic about talking and hanging out. I can't remember the last time there were no games played, no hidden agendas, no ulterior motives, at least not yet.

Put all this together and I've been a little bewildered about how this is playing out. This fledgling stage has always struck me as very delicate, so I'm not entirely sure how to go forward- Do I let myself go and just let emotions do what they will? Do I try to be practical and take lessons from relationships gone by to guide what I do (meaning I move forward with cautious optimism)? And since in the end I'll probably combine the two factions, how will I best merge the camps? This has always been the debate, really, and usually results in me getting exhausted by all the mental gymnastics. Strangely, I'm not really doing the mental gymnastics thing, at least not yet. I think I'm already unhinged by the work thing, and/or have gotten better at not thinking about things. Like I said, I'll have to wait and see, just like everyone else.

3. I think with all this other stuff going on, I've been a little spacey. Which resulted most concretely by me, well, messing up. I bumped into a huge SUV on Thursday at a stop sign (going less than 5 miles an hour counts as 'bumping'!) and wrecked the hood of my car. We initially agreed to not involve the insurance because although my car looked like it had met a high brick wall, the SUV had a small dent on the bumper the size of the head of a pen. I hate those things. But then I got a call yesterday with the woman involved saying she had a rattle and took the car in to the dealer, where they found a dent in something. And she had already called her insurance. God, there go my points. It's going to be three years before that gets worked off of my bill.

I still can't believe it. It's been 15 years since anything like this has happened to me, and yet there you go. I had decided a while ago to take yesterday off of work, and as I was driving around yesterday, trying to take care of this business while I also took the day to do some shopping, I realized that maybe I should avoid driving for a while. I was dropping my keys right and left, I was parking horribly (I'm always very good at parking- staying in the lines of any parking spot and usually very close to a curb) and was spilling things regularly. I think I should just stay home for the next couple of days. Or not get involved with any heavy machinery for a while.

The best part of yesterday was when I went to Trader Joe's to do some small grocery shopping- the supplemental kind that usually only involves a basket rather than a cart. I had to get some more shake stuff that I use all the time for breakfast because I was all out. I grabbed four of those canisters, so I can last for a month or so without needing to get more. And when I went to buy them the cash register guy forgot to charge me for 4- only for 1. And these things are $10 each. Usually I'd do my normal do-gooding and mention it, but yesterday I just took the discount and left. I mean, $30 was just what I needed.

I think things will start looking up soon. And I'll keep you posted about the dating thing. Maybe I won't need to sign up at Match.com after all. Uh oh. I think I just jinxed it.