caring

So instead of going outside and enjoying the first almost-90-degree day we've had this calendar year, I am inside my house playing on the computer. Mostly it's cause it's very cool in my house- so far the thermometer in here has only gotten to 70. It's heaven. I can sit here and look at the beautiful weather without getting all hot and muggy. Perfect.

Well, while I was on the computer I cam across this really cool website that's all about sharing ideas. They give these talks and it's very interesting. My favorite one so far is this one about compassion.



You should watch it. It's just so interesting. I never really thought about what makes people compassionate, you know?

Mom's day

Today's mother's day, and I'm very excited about the present I sent Mom. This past winter I spent a good deal of time being sick and/or sitting on my couch. It's what's done in the winter time. And, as you know, knitting is so conducive for sitting on the couch and/or being sick. So to kill time I made Mom this throw (read 'small blanket') made out of mohair and wool. It's really soft and heavy and is actually quite big for something I knitted. Of course I had intended to make it for her birthday last September, but that ship sailed pretty early on. It took me almost three months to finish, and I was so glad to get it done. I finished it in March and finally mailed it to her last week. So now I'm sitting here waiting, not wanting to wake her up, but wanting to call and wish her a happy mother's day and get the review for the blanket. I don't think she even knew I was working on it. Tee hee.

romantic comedy aka 20 minutes in my mind

Well, so you guys all know what a doofus I am, right? Tonight's example is classic. Here's the back ground:

First of all, I've just started seeing this guy a couple of weeks ago. For privacy's sake (and because it might possibly be slightly more fun than just putting his name here), I'll give him the nickname The Guy I'm Seeing (TGIS or Gis for short). And so far, Gis has been great. He calls me every day, and emails a lot during the week, too. I have to mention that this has been a little difficult for me. I don't really talk to anyone everyday, and I find that I have to start coming up with material to try to keep me interesting. I mean, I have no idea what to talk about most of the time.

Anyway, he's also very prompt and responsive. If I call him, he'll call back right away. He gets major points for both of those things. And he consistently makes time to see me when he can. We've only been going out a couple of weeks, but we've actually seen each other maybe 5 times. 5 times in two weeks. Crazy. What am I supposed to do with all this attention? As a matter of fact, our 5th time will be tomorrow, and I've been looking forward to seeing him. He's been in Providence all weekend, so I've been particularly impressed that he's made the point of being in touch with me while he's away. Usually away means not able to dial the phone at all.

Well, ok. On to the thing. He called and let me know he was coming home from his trip early. I was texting him as I was on my way to hang out with Tori, to see whether we might be able to get together tonight (I really don't have any patience. Never did, if I'm to be honest). And as I was on my way there, I called Jasmine and BeckynAlex to catch up. The Becky and Alex conversation lasted a while and there was some confusion with Tori on where to meet her and I was trying to not get lost. Well, long story short, I eventually hung out with Tori, knitted, watched the Red Sox and Juno, had dinner. The usual. And never heard back from Gis. And I was focusing on Tori, thinking he'd call before he went to bed. But I left Tori's at 11- way after he goes to bed- and didn't hear from him. I was bummed all the way back home. I couldn't believe he didn't at least text. It's these little changes that indicate something bigger, and I was trying to tell myself that it wasn't a big deal. I'm sure there was some reason he didn't get in touch. But what if, you know? We've only been going out for a couple of weeks and people change their minds pretty easily.

And then I thought, well, ok. It's done. He might call me tomorrow, he might not. I shouldn't get so into it so soon. I'm sure he spotted some woman on the train ride as he was coming back from Providence- someone more something. I bet she was in her mid 20's, edgy and almost goth, a little crazy, jaded, anorexic and in desperate need to be saved. Perfect for him. He couldn't resist and I will have to just get over it, be a mature person and say, well, that means this wasn't meant to be I'm sure it'll happen some time blah blah blah.

Or what if he was mad at me and I had no idea? I mean, I do kind of poke at him, make fun of his accent or of where he's from (he's from Providence. Why not make fun?). Maybe he's acting out.

It's because I've been talking about him with people. I've jinxed it. I even referred to him as my man. I said it somewhat sarcastically, so as to knock on wood. As I said it I mentally spit on the ground like the old Greek ladies do when something good happens to them so that the evil eye won't notice them. Or they insult their children in a kind of balanced reparation to the gods who notice hubris and luck.

I got home, put my stuff down and just looked at my phone again. Nope. No missed calls. I looked at my texts and saw that he had indeed text'd me. I know you saw that coming. Yep, he did. A couple of times and the phone just didn't register it. Or I pushed a button or something. He'd gotten back to me pretty quickly, actually, I just had no idea.

And it's not like every stupid romantic comedy doesn't have this same predictable scenario play out. It's just that the stupid romantic comedies aren't my life, they're not my anxiety and they're most definitely not my results. I don't usually end up with the guy. And this is why I hate dating. This part right here were I feel like I should have known better, and shouldn't care so quickly. If I could just hold off on caring for a little while longer, until I have a better idea of who he is and whether he's invest-able. It's the calling every day thing that's gotten me all mooshy and now I have to deal with this ugh. I just don't like the feeling at all. If I had my way right now I'd just never see him again and live my life as an old maid with 5 cats who I will talk to when I get lonely. Did you ever see that cat lady doll? The little doll with crazy gray hair and about 7 cats? Anyway, I'd get that on my birthday from a friend who thought they were being funny but it's more true than it should be.

I know. He did get in touch. That's supposed to be the point, right? But it's not the point. The point is that something that little already gets me going. And I need to figure out how to manage it because I can't relax into this thing and just enjoy it (which is what I want to do) if I fly over to this place so easily.

Anyway, I text'd him a sorry, saying I just got his text and I'm excited to see him tomorrow. I'm making him Sheperd's pie, and I'm excited again. Sigh.

being a woman

I saw this poem called Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou, and just love it. And want to share it with you. It's better, I think, if you read it out loud- particularly if you happen to be a woman. Just a thought.


Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou

Open all the windows

Yesterday it was 70 degrees- our first since I really don't know when. And I decided to take the opportunity to open some windows in the house- windows that haven't been open since the fall. Literally, since last November. I've been missing the open windows: the birds chirping, louder outside noises, fresh air. Oh, the fresh air. But staying warm and keeping the heating cost down was the higher priority.

But now spring is here. It was 70 yesterday, and I have transitioned into this season by opening some windows. Forget the fact that it's supposed to be in the 40's and rainy for the next couple of days. I don't care that I have a bad head cold and am staying home all day. I will pile on the blankets and sweaters and enjoy the open windows.

my latest obsession

I can't stop thinking about the person who backed into my car and only left the dent. No note, no paint left on my car with which the offending car color could be identified. Nothing. It's the most benign kind of hit and run, with the biggest impact being on my wallet. And my piece of mind. This was someone on my street- someone who lives just a couple of houses away. Probably. They could have been visiting. Or meandering around, driving drunk and hitting it sideways. Regardless, I need to take it in and get it at least looked at. But who has time in the middle of the work day?

My other obsession is still bathroom etiquette. I recently went down to Nashville to visit Natae (woo hoooo! so much fun to see fabulous buggs!) and I was actually relieved to go to the bathrooms at the airport because they have those seat covers. Now that I've re-learned how to use the facilities without one, it's a little like coming home to have the option available to me. God bless the paper toilette covers. Alex told me I can carry around some ultra-folded version in my purse, but I think that just takes this a little too far. Just over the line, if you know what I mean.

And why, tell me why, oh why does someone have to sit in the stall right next to me when all the other stalls are available? It's a personal space issue. I mean, really. Who would do that?

Restricted access

I am outraged. Out-raged. Out of rage. Whatever.

http://www.townonline.com/cambridge/homepage/x222324255

What does it take to tell people they shouldn't let dogs from other neighborhoods walk around? That dogs need tags to prove they're local? It seems so contrary to what being a pet owner is all about.

just perfect

So I saw this blog and just had to share. It's perfect. And I have to recommend you go back several posts, because the more you read it the funnier it is.

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/

You just have to see it for yourself.