my favorite reality moment

I usually don't like reality tv- or I guess I should say I usually enjoy watching it to make fun of it. But I have to say that there is one moment that I truly love. I was cruzing around youtube several months ago and saw that guy, Paul Potts, from Britain's Got Talent. You know, the English equivalent to America's Got Talent. And every time I watch this clip I think it's so moving.

Check it out.



I also love the addition of Aerosmith at the end.

such a groovy sunday

I've been having a little bit of fun with the old digital camera. This past thursday I went to the Abbey Lounge with Jasmine to see some mutual friends play some music. They didn't get to play until 11:30 (on a school night!), so we were troopers and got there at around 10, listening to a couple of other bands do their thing. I can't remember the last time I went out so late on a school night. But there we were, two ladies hanging at the Lounge. The Boy (I should probably give him a different anonymous name soon. If he ever were to read this he might get a little offended at being called a boy. He is almost 38, after all) showed up a little later and was good enough to spend a little quality time, which was fun. Here are some pictures of Mike and John (sorry, but I don't know the drummer's name) doing their thing.





And here we have some pictures of my day with the Gillespies. Christina, her Mom Ann and her son Dylan were good enough to invite me to see them today at Little Beach. It's a really relaxing vacation spot where there is literally nothing else to do but exactly what you feel like doing: lying around reading, going for a walk, swimming in the ocean, sitting on the beach, kayaking around the pond. I mean, really, there's nothing else but that. It was so nice of them to invite me, and I was a little shutter bug with the pictures.

some pics from Maine

I know its been several weeks, but I finally got a thingy that takes the pictures from the little digital storage device in the camera and puts them on my computer. So here are the Maine pictures. Well, really, they're pictures from the ferry on the way over to Vinalhaven. There should be some other pictures coming in from my friend who was staying there.

what the hell am I dreaming?

I have a queen sized bed and on this bed I have three pillows. Two of them are normal pillows- normal size and normal filling. But the third pillow is this little buckwheat pillow that has seeds in it. It's harder than the other pillows and it goes in between the two normal ones so I can choose to sleep on it when I want to. Usually I end up on that pillow cause it's pretty solid but really comfy. And it's kinda cool (I mean the temperature is cool, although it's cool in the other way too) in the summer and I usually seek out the cool parts of the bed when I'm sleeping.

Here's the thing. For the last several years I've been using this assortment of pillows and it's worked out really well. While I'm sleeping I can decide how soft or not so soft I want my pillow to be. These last two nights have seen a little break in my pillow pattern. I've woken in the middle of the night to my little buckwheat pillow being somewhere else. Normally when this happens I've knocked it off the top of the bed somehow (this doesn't happen often, but from time to time...) but last night and the night before I've woken up in the middle of the night looking for the little pillow.

The night before last I found it still in the pillow section of the bed (at the top) but on the side. The side! It's not a side pillow, it's a middle pillow. I never would have put it there. And then last night I woke up and found it on the other side of the bed, half way down near my stomach. And that surprised me enough that I woke all the way up. I know very well how all my pillows and I had started the evening- the same way we had started for years (years!). And now there's this.

And I keep wondering what I could possibly be dreaming that's impacting this change. It's a little disturbing to me. I mean, sleep is sacred. We don't mess with something that works over here. What the hell?

a little bit of goodness

So today at work one of our new sites had a grand opening and the new Commissioner (among several other people) were able to come and celebrate with us. People got up, did some speeches. The local mayor was there in addition to some VIP's at the Department, and there was a lot of pressure/expectation about this little event. It was one of the first opportunities the Commissioner had to see the work we've been doing, and it was also one of the first opportunities folks I work with could see if he might support our work under his reign.

I've been kinda stressed about how this would go- I wasn't part of the planning for this particular event, and I therefore had no idea how it would go. But it turns out it went really well. And the Commissioner said he really liked what he saw so far. So I'm feeling a little bit easier about the longevity of my job now. Not that I think it's all roses, but I'm starting to feel like there might be some opportunities for me and my team under this new boss. And that is such a relief that I wanted to dance all the way home. But instead I drove my car home and sang the radio songs at the top of my lungs. I'll celebrate a little bit this weekend.

I just had to tell you.

the label

Sometimes I wish I had an instruction label stuck to some accessible part of my body that would say

For best results douse regularly with affection.
Hugs and kisses required.

Pooh style

Do you remember when you read winney the pooh when you were a kid? One thing I really liked about it was that the rules for capital letters were a little more flexible. Specifically, you didn't only capitalize a letter when it started a sentence or when it started a personal noun or some such. Capitals were also used when a person felt strongly about a word, and it helped to emphasize a point. You can still see it in original transcripts of very old documents. And I don't know when we stopped doing this, but it was probably right around the time we could type and use bold or italics or something. I think it's a good idea that got thrown out too soon. There have been many times when I don't want to use an exclamation point or the other font options. I want the classic emphasis- the capital letter.

For example:

Eeyore took his tail out of the water, and swished it from side to side.
"As I expected," he said. "Lost all feeling. Numbed it. That's what it's done. Numbed it. Well, as long as nobody minds, I suppose it's all right."
"Poor old Eeyore. I'll dry it for you," said Christopher Robin, and he took out his handkerchief and rubbed it up.
"Thank you, Christopher Robin. You're the only one who seems to understand about tails. They don't think- that's what's the matter with some of these others. They've no imagination. A tail isn't a tail to them, it's just a Little Bit Extra at the back."
"Never mind, Eeyore," said Christopher Robin, rubbing his hardest. "Is that better?"
"It's feeling more like a tail perhaps. It Belongs again, if you know what I mean."

See? The italics AND the capitalization. It lends it's own unique kind of significance, and I think it's time to bring it back.

Here. You try it.

first things first

So it's come to my attention that there might be some more people reading this than I had thought. Somehow I've heard from several different fronts (Natae, you're not the only one!) that I need to be more diligent about posting. It reminds me of when I used to try to keep a journal when I was little. I would write in it periodically, but in the end it tapered off. Lucky for me I have you lovely people to keep me honest (well, about this anyway).

First things first (I've always loved that phrase), there is not really any new information about the Boy. We're still in wait and see mode; he's still good to hang out with, and there is definitely some good potential. We have to wait and see where it goes. And fortunately there's some time to figure that out.

I'm guessing I'll have a better idea of how things are going in the next week or two. I'll let you guys know just as soon as I have a better idea.

too much going on

It's been a very full last couple of weeks. And since I've been remiss in keeping this updated as I go I'm finding that I feel a little bit like I'm catching up with an old friend who I haven't talked to in a while. Where to start, you know? Well, maybe I'll just go chronologically. There are three main incidences, so I'll just start with the first.

1. A couple of weeks ago I found out (during a hellishly long week at work) that my boss's boss, my ultimate supervisor, who is very involved with the work that I and my co-workers are doing, was asked by our new commissioner to resign. I don't know exactly how this will impact my work; I don't even know how secure my job is at this point. But it's not just a horrible loss (because it is that, at the very least) to me and the Department. She's been there for just under 20 years and has been a big protector of my small group of people trying to do preventative work, and I don't know what will happen to us now that she's leaving. It's entirely possible that my position will be changed to be something completely different.

And I love this job. You all know that I moved out here to this area from California to Massachusetts for this exact job. I've been fluctuating between shock, sadness, fear and anxiety since I heard the news, and I don't exactly know how it's all going to play out. The Commissioner has given no reason for asking her to leave, fanning a certain amount of uncertainty and concern among the ranks. I think I'll have a little bit of a clue by the end of the month; we're putting out an RFR and he'll have to sign off on it. But until then I'll be in a small state of crisis, wondering if I have to find another job and thinking perhaps I won't find another one that I love quite so much.

2. At the same time I've just started seeing someone. As I've said several times before, I absolutely hate dating. But I met this guy at a party, and I've gone out with him once, talked on the phone with him a couple of times and in general feel that there is a lot of potential here. I'm trying to keep perspective and take things as they come (this is mostly a self-protective technique since I'll flip out if I think about this too much), telling people that we'll see how things go.

But I have to say that it's been a little difficult. Some friends (who shall remain nameless) are secretly planning the wedding, already trying to figure out how our names best fit together and have determined that there will be children in the future. And of course the guy himself has been nothing but good, being very complimentary and healthily enthusiastic about talking and hanging out. I can't remember the last time there were no games played, no hidden agendas, no ulterior motives, at least not yet.

Put all this together and I've been a little bewildered about how this is playing out. This fledgling stage has always struck me as very delicate, so I'm not entirely sure how to go forward- Do I let myself go and just let emotions do what they will? Do I try to be practical and take lessons from relationships gone by to guide what I do (meaning I move forward with cautious optimism)? And since in the end I'll probably combine the two factions, how will I best merge the camps? This has always been the debate, really, and usually results in me getting exhausted by all the mental gymnastics. Strangely, I'm not really doing the mental gymnastics thing, at least not yet. I think I'm already unhinged by the work thing, and/or have gotten better at not thinking about things. Like I said, I'll have to wait and see, just like everyone else.

3. I think with all this other stuff going on, I've been a little spacey. Which resulted most concretely by me, well, messing up. I bumped into a huge SUV on Thursday at a stop sign (going less than 5 miles an hour counts as 'bumping'!) and wrecked the hood of my car. We initially agreed to not involve the insurance because although my car looked like it had met a high brick wall, the SUV had a small dent on the bumper the size of the head of a pen. I hate those things. But then I got a call yesterday with the woman involved saying she had a rattle and took the car in to the dealer, where they found a dent in something. And she had already called her insurance. God, there go my points. It's going to be three years before that gets worked off of my bill.

I still can't believe it. It's been 15 years since anything like this has happened to me, and yet there you go. I had decided a while ago to take yesterday off of work, and as I was driving around yesterday, trying to take care of this business while I also took the day to do some shopping, I realized that maybe I should avoid driving for a while. I was dropping my keys right and left, I was parking horribly (I'm always very good at parking- staying in the lines of any parking spot and usually very close to a curb) and was spilling things regularly. I think I should just stay home for the next couple of days. Or not get involved with any heavy machinery for a while.

The best part of yesterday was when I went to Trader Joe's to do some small grocery shopping- the supplemental kind that usually only involves a basket rather than a cart. I had to get some more shake stuff that I use all the time for breakfast because I was all out. I grabbed four of those canisters, so I can last for a month or so without needing to get more. And when I went to buy them the cash register guy forgot to charge me for 4- only for 1. And these things are $10 each. Usually I'd do my normal do-gooding and mention it, but yesterday I just took the discount and left. I mean, $30 was just what I needed.

I think things will start looking up soon. And I'll keep you posted about the dating thing. Maybe I won't need to sign up at Match.com after all. Uh oh. I think I just jinxed it.