the perks

I've been talking to several different people lately about relationships. Maybe it's because I recently got back from the fantabulous wedding of Alex and Becky, or maybe it's just the normal standard conversation for lots of my friends, but we've been talking about all the different parts of relationships and what makes them work or not work. I usually feel a little self-conscious about giving advice about relationships (not that it stops me) since I'm definitely not a poster child for successful ones.

But I find I have plenty to say on the topic, and am increasingly aware that maybe I've been far too happy being single. I mean, I get to do what I want without checking in with anyone about how I want to spend my time, I can do the dishes whenever I want to (this could also be a bad thing), I can do the laundry whenever I want (again, maybe a bad thing), and can be just as productive in the evening as I want to be. I usually like being single more than I like being in a relationship, which might be one of the reasons why I've not been caught yet. I like feeling competent enough to take care of myself, and I'm generally independent and somewhat stubborn.

But there are things I miss. Four things, to be exact, that I just can't do for myself.

1. The most obvious first thing is, well, sex. It's just not something a person always wants to do for themselves.

2. It's a pain in the ass to cook for one person. I love to cook. And I love following the recipe and getting a yummy concoction in the end that people can enjoy. However, by the time I've spent a significant amount of time with the ingredients they're less exciting. But seeing other people enjoy the food is always so fun. And there are no onions that are one serving (I finally discovered scallions to be the best single serving items in the vegetable isle). It's just a whole different kind of food shopping.

And being cooked for is fun, too.

3. I would love to have some help lifting the heavy objects. I usually miss having some one who is under some sort of obligation to help out when I'm lugging the air conditioner to or from the basement, or when I'm shoveling snow from around my car after a snow storm. I'm not saying I expect someone to do all this heavy lifting for me, I would just appreciate some assistance now and again.

4. Finally, there's the hug. This is a special kind of hug that only comes in some relationships. It's the hug you get when you're having a bad day, you're dragging yourself home and there's someone there who will give you a hug until you feel better. That hug just can't be beat and, when it's done right, makes everything ok for just a little while. And you don't always need to have it, but it's good to know it's there if needed. I'd actually sacrifice some of the things I love about being single for that hug.